Knowlton Origin

      At age 14 I discovered masturbation.  At the time, I remember simply being curious if I could actually successfully make my body do ... that.  I mean, up to that point, all I'd ever seen come out was urine.  Imagine my surprise.  I began to indulge regularly, and at first it was actually quite innocent.  A new toy.  A way to feel good.     Unfortunately, it also became a way to cope with emotional pain, which I was feeling quite a bit of.  Living with someone I, well, didn't much like, was a nightmare for me.  Masturbation was an outlet.  But it also became a way to bury and avoid difficult thoughts and emotions.     Years later when I married, I'd been cultivating that habit for 7 years.  There was a lot of shame and guilt surrounding the habit.  It was about that time that the internet also began to be commonplace, along with easy access to pornography 24 hours a day.  This was incorpo...

      My mom was a single mother for all of my childhood.  I remember her having me meet some of her love interests here and there.  Eventually she met and married my step father Donald.     He was from Maryland and we lived in California when he met and married my mom.  Soon after he ended up moving us from CA to MD.     During that road trip we stopped at a restaurant for dinner, and I guess I was being mouthy.  I don't remember what I said to him, but it made him angry.  He actually picked me up off the ground (I was like, 10 years old), shook me, and told me he was going to take me outside and teach me a lesson.  Before he was able to do so, my mom stopped him and told him he wasn't taking me anywhere.  I remember feeling and thinking that I was going to die in those first few moments.  And I mean I literally believed this.  This realization didn't come out until years later when I got some therapy and c...

    I was told I was conceived in the back of a car at a drive in movie.  My parents, both teens probably began simply kissing which eventually led to my coming into existence, although they obviously didn't know for sure at the time.  Maybe they spent the next few months with fingers crossed, I can only speculate on that.  And no, I don't fault them for hoping they'd dodged a bullet.  I think I might have at their age.  But alas, once was all it took.  I was born 6.5 months later.  For those of you doing the obvious math, yes, that means I was a preemie.  And back in 1970, that was often a death sentence.  The technology has come a long way since then.  I spent my first few months in an isolet. As I've had time to ponder my beginnings, I've gone from a bit of embarrassment up through finding it, well, rather sweet and even innocent ... precious.  I don't think it was something they went to the drive in movie planning to d...

 Well, I guess it had to happen sooner or later, so welcome to my life story.  I'm writing it mostly for me, but if you read it, I'd be curious to know what you think of it.  Parts of it aren't pretty.  They are potentially super embarrassing to be made public knowledge.  It won't make me look very good, and please keep in mind I have changed and grown along the way.  We all make mistakes, and change did not come easily or quickly, but it has come.  https://knowltonorigin.blogspot.com/2025/09/origin-story.html https://knowltonorigin.blogspot.com/2025/09/donald.html https://knowltonorigin.blogspot.com/2025/09/addiction.html